Issue Nine – Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving Dinner
all publicly giving thanks…
except the turkey

By David Edwards


Warm Wishes for Thanksgiving
By Mark Hudson

There were some people in the Southwest,
having thanksgiving with some turkey breasts.
They dined outside, it was rather hot,
because they lived in Arizona, a warm spot.

So on the picnic table, the turkey dinner spread,
they sat around to pray, and Grandma fell down dead.
What could have happened? Only the Lord knows,
But what began to gather? A bunch of hungry crows.

The crows seemed a symbol, literally a sign,
the crows ate the turkey, and left no crumbs behind.
Grandpa shot the crows, he thought they could be eaten,
but then the vultures came, and they knew they were beaten.

The vultures began to eat upon the still living crows,
grandpa shot the vultures, and then said, “There she blows.”
They tried to cook the vultures, but grandma was the cook,
none of the men knew how, they took out an old cook book.

So they stuffed the vultures, put them in the stove,
then they cooked up grandma, put her ‘tween two loaves.

They had a giant feast, cooking up their blessings,
this time they stayed indoors, there was no second guessing.
The holidays weren’t the same, with grandma no longer living,
but they remembered to be grateful, on this morbid Thanksgiving!


First Thanksgiving Dinner.
Indians and Pilgrims
(one soon to be extinct).
A harvest feast of peace…
corn… squash… turkey… deer meat;
genocide for dessert.

By David Edwards


Thanksgiving Feast
By Mark Hudson

Hello, friends and family! Welcome to the feast,
you are now our prisoner, in the belly of the beast.
Have a little gravy, enjoy the lovely flavor,
have aunt Geraldine’s stuffing, if you get braver.

The stuffing that you ate, may well be benign,
it’s been inside the cabinet since 1969.
Oh ladle, ladle, ladle, it is my favorite toy!
I wish we could order Chinese and bust out with soy.

I really should be grateful, or else I’ll probably starve,
but I always lose my appetite, seeing Uncle Marv.
Belt buckle strewn aside, he is a sight to see,
with whiskey in hand he just puked in the Christmas tree.

And there is Uncle Ed again, sneaking Pabst Blue Ribbons,
Oh where art thou? when we need you? Mr. Richard Simmons!
My belly stuck out far and wide, at the kitchen table,
the kids not eating anything they sit there watching cable.

Oh how to celebrate, when this family is together!
And now the snow is coming down, trapped beneath the weather!
I need to have an exit plan, I need to say good night!
Now it’s time to go home, freedom is in sight!

When relatives passed out food, I pretended to be a hog,
but I set it on the ground below, and left it for the dog!
Here I am at home at last, freedom tends to please,
I’m ordering a pizza, with pepperoni and cheese!



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