Issue 53 – Fee! Fi! Fo! Fum!

Chant: Fee! Fi! Fo! Fum!
Hungry giants seek victims
Bones to grind for bread
Should never have climbed beanstalk
Stayed where things are the right size

By DJ Tyrer

Cloud Cuckoo Land
By Cardinal Cox

They were born as normal babies
Amidst screams and blood
And grew but did not stop
Doctors scratched chins and stroked scalps
As they weighed no more than normal
A white-coated scientist studied
And measured and theorised
That their atoms were more diffuse
Like gas to liquid or liquid to solid
They continued to grow
Clothes – being as our gross matter –
They could not wear so went naked
Hiding in distant places
In forests and mountain ranges
And still they grew
Normal matter passed through
Leaving ripples of painful punctures
Until at last the giants
Climbed aboard peak encircling clouds
And they drifted away
From the lands of tiny men


Giant’s Feast
By Aeronwy Dafies

A dozen giants gather
Together in a humongous huddle
Hungry, begin their feast
Humans by the dozen
Gobbled up, gorged upon
Whole cows in between slices
Of bread baked from bones
Herds of sheep as appetizers
Fluffy and soft, a change
From knights roasted in their shells
Washed down by lakes of wine
Until finally, sated, they slumber
Thunderous snores of contentment
Serenaded by the sound
Of a magic harp and the squawks
Of the goose that laid the golden egg


Just twenty feet tall
Giant by human standards
No more than a dwarf
Stood beside other giants
Never really belonging

By DS Davidson

The Egyptian Giant
By Mark Hudson

There was a pharaoh, supposedly,
living around 2700 B.C.
Recent studies have concluded
he was a giant, forehead protruded.
Sa-Nakt was the giant’s name,
a pharaoh suddenly getting fame.
Scientists studied the giant’s bones,
explaining he had growth hormones,
possibly because he had a pituitary tumour,
at this point it’s only just a rumor.
In those days he was six-foot two,
people marveled at how he grew.
The rest of the men were five-foot six,
at least that is what the story depicts.
No other Egyptian rulers were giants,
at least according to studies by science.
In Egypt, you weren’t looked at great if tall,
but in a way you were better off small.
Egyptian dwarves were looked at as grand,
aiding the pharaohs all across the land.
Tall or short, the bones were all found,
as scientists discover them underground.

Editor’s Note: Although not that tall in modern terms, at 6’2” tall, the body believed to be that of the Pharaoh is 8” taller than the then-average height of Egyptians and is the earliest example of gigantism known.